


the less i seek my source for some definitive, the closer i am to fine

by devereauxed



Series: Roisa Deadly Sins Week [5]
Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: 90s AU, F/F, Roisa Deadly Sins Week, period au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 07:56:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10566957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devereauxed/pseuds/devereauxed
Summary: Day Five: Period AU + PrideIt's July 27th, 1998 and Luisa finally gets to attend the festival she's been dreaming of - Lilith Fair.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First off, WARNING there's a homophobic slur in here, just in case. 
> 
> Second, I may have taken liberties both with what is normally considered a Period AU and pride as a sin. 
> 
> I'm kind of unsure about this one, so I hope you guys like it.

Luisa joined the swarm of women flooding through the gates, toying excitedly with lanyard around her neck. Once inside, the crowd began branching off in various directions, and she stopped, breathing in deeply, enjoying the feeling of enthusiasm and unity in the air. She couldn’t believe she was finally here after waiting for so long. Not only had Lilith Fair come to Florida this year they had added so many more artists for this stop. As soon as she’d found out there was a date nearby she had bought tickets immediately, not caring that she had no one to go with. 

The brunette grinned, watching the diverse streams of women moving around her. She knew this wasn’t a festival solely for gay women, but she saw pride flags speckled throughout the crowd, painted on girl’s faces, sewn into their clothing, and she felt tears prick her eyes.

She was here. She was out. She was proud.

As she turned to try and find her way to the Second Stage, she stopped short. A tall girl with loose, wild, curly red hair had moved in front of her, also scanning the crowd, looking somehow both awestruck and terrified. Luisa looked her up and down, taking in the high-neck black leotard that hugged her chest tightly and disappeared enticingly into her cuffed ripped jeans, and the oversized red flannel that offset her hair strikingly. The entire ensemble was topped off with beat up black Docs and Luisa felt heat settle low in her stomach.

 _Holy fuck. Please be gay, please be gay, please be gay_ , she thought, trying not to stare openly but failing miserably.

Luisa saw the girl’s attention focus on a group of girls carrying a large pride flag through the crowd getting women to sign it, noted the yearning look that crossed her face as she watched them laugh and chatter, and did a silent cheer of victory. She hurriedly smoothed her French braids, making sure her hair wasn’t sticking out, and shifted her own flannel button-up so that the rainbow patch ironed onto her cutoff overalls was visible.

Just as she was about to intercept the girl and introduce herself she heard a voice of disgust from behind her say, “Why do the dykes always have to try and take over? It’s not just about them.” 

Luisa felt her face flush with rage, and spun to look at the girl who’d spoken. “What did you say?!” she asked, her eyes flashing. 

The girl’s face lost its color, and she looked at the brunette with wide, scared eyes. Then she noticed the rainbow patch on Luisa’s overalls and relaxed. “Of course,” she said, laughing. 

“What is your problem?” Luisa demanded.

The girl just laughed again and looked to her friends and they all started moving away as a group. “Angry lesbian, party of one,” the girl called over her shoulder as they passed her. The other girls laughed, all of them turning to look at Luisa, clearly hoping she would yell again and prove their point. 

The brunette felt her blood run white-hot and took a breath, preparing the perfect scathing response, but before she could speak, she heard the girl call, “Rose! Let’s go!” With a sinking feeling she turned her head and saw the gorgeous redhead respond and move to join the pack of girls. As they faded into the crowd Luisa saw the girl look back, meeting the brunette’s eyes with a look of apology, shame, and longing, before turning back and disappearing behind another group of women, her head and shoulders down.

Luisa wanted to be angry, she wanted to follow them and tear them apart, but that hollow look in the redhead’s eyes stopped her. She was sure that girl wasn’t straight, but she doubted she would ever admit it given who her friends were. Luisa knew how hard it was to be out, and she had a relatively understanding support system behind her; she couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in that situation. Her heart broke for the redhead, but she looked around, saw the joy on the faces of the women surrounding her and vowed to enjoy every second of this day, maybe even more now just to spite that hateful girl.

She turned and headed off in search of the stage where Morcheeba was playing, shaking off the encounter, and turning her face up to the warmth of the sun.

* * *

 

An hour later, high on the crowd and the music, Luisa wandered, singing the lyrics to ‘Howling’ under her breath, dancing with each step. She had almost forgotten the anger of the earlier encounter, leaving only the redhead lingering in the back of her mind.

She found an open spot of grass and sat, looking through her handwritten list, trying to decide if she wanted to see The Tuesdays or Antigone Rising more.  She was lost in her own thoughts when she was distracted by someone mumbling angrily to themselves, and looked up to see the redhead irritably pacing back and forth with her arms crossed. Luisa found it oddly adorable, and tilted her head up to try and hear what she was saying.

“-and then you take off without even telling me. Didn’t want you here anyway, but no of course it’s always about Brittany and Jenny, can’t forget that, what’s a day without a bunch of bullshit anyway, god forbid anyone actually have any fun when we go places…” the girl kicked a trash can and slumped down on the ground with her back against a railing and dropped her head into her hands. 

Luisa stood and walked over to where she sat and hesitantly said, “Hey.”

The girl looked up at her in surprise, then flushed as she recognized her. “Oh, hi.”

“Are you okay?” Luisa said gently.

The girl nodded too enthusiastically. “Oh yeah I’m fine, totally fine.”

The brunette narrowed her eyes.

“Okay, not so much fine as...not at all fine,” the girl sighed, leaning her head back on the rail. Luisa scanned the area and when she saw no sign of the girl’s demon friends anywhere, she took a seat next to her. 

The girl eyed her warily. “Why are you being nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?” Luisa asked, genuinely.

The redhead scrutinized her, and then looked away. “You know why.”

“I know you aren’t like them,” the brunette said softly.

“There’s no way that you could know that,” the other girl responded.

“But I do,” Luisa insisted, and the redhead flicked her gaze to her face, then to the rainbow patch on her overalls before looking out at the people moving past them again.

They sat in silence for a moment, then Luisa pressed, “What’s your name?”

The girl considered her for a moment and then softly said, “Rose. What’s yours?”

“Luisa,” she said with a smile. “Rose. I like it. It works with your hair.”

Rose smiled slightly, showing a glimmer of confidence, “I know.”

“So, Rose, why are you not at all fine?” Luisa asked, and the redhead sighed. “Come on, you can tell me.”

“I don’t know you,” Rose said, her eyes guarded. 

“Exactly,” Luisa replied. “So you can tell me.” 

Rose dropped her hands to her lap, staring at them as she spoke.

“They weren’t even supposed to come. It was just supposed to be me. I bought tickets as soon as I found out about it,” she said. “I was going to come and just…see. But then they found out and all of a sudden they were all coming and it wasn’t about being here, it was about saying they were here, and I just…” 

“So this was supposed to be about you figuring things out?” Luisa prodded, and Rose looked up, her blue eyes filled with fear but something else too, something closer to hope. She nodded.

“Have you ever said it out loud?” the brunette asked gently. Rose shook her head slowly. “Do you want to?” 

Rose looked out over the crowd as though she was searching for something. She took a deep breath and said, “I….”

She trailed off, but Luisa put her hand on her arm reassuringly. Rose looked stunned at the contact, but something in her eyes shifted. “I’m gay.”

Rose let out a huge breath, and Luisa grinned. “And look, everything’s exactly the same.”

The redhead looked at her, stunned, and said, “No. It’s not.”

“Are you okay?” Luisa asked, squeezing her arm gently.

“I…” She started as a slow grin spread across her face. “…am fucking amazing.” Somehow, smiling Rose was even more beautiful than her earlier counterpart; her eyes sparkled, and she seemed lighter somehow, the weight gone from her shoulders.

“Come on.” Luisa stood up and held out her hand to Rose, who took it hesitantly. She pulled her to her feet, and Rose asked, “Where are we going?”

“I’m going to show you how to be proud,” Luisa said smiling. She let go of Rose’s hand, not wanting to push too far too fast but as she started walking the redhead gently took her hand again. Luisa smiled at her softly and squeezed her hand, leading her through the crowd.

* * *

 

“This is you showing me how to be proud?” Rose asked with a smirk.

Luisa took another bite of funnel cake and said, “I’m very proud that I found where they make the funnel cakes.” 

Rose laughed.

“We should get going though,” the brunette said, tossing the remnants of her treat into the trash.

“Where are we going?” Rose asked.

“Well, Rose, this is a music festival, so I thought maybe we should go listen to some music,” Luisa said.

“Who are we going to see?”

“K’s Choice.”

“I’ve never heard them,” Rose shrugged.

“Wait!” Luisa stopped. “Is there anyone you were really hoping to see? I didn’t even think to ask, I’m sorry!” 

Rose blushed. “Um. Not really? I don’t know a lot of the music, honestly.” She tucked her hair behind her ear, embarrassed. 

“You don’t know the music at the music festival you’re attending?” Luisa asked. Rose bit her lip. 

Luisa sing-songed teasingly, “You came for the giiiirls.”

Rose raised an eyebrow, suggestively. “Well it worked, didn’t it?”

There was something in that moment that hinted at a confidence that Luisa had yet to see from Rose. It sent a thrill through her. Her mind flashed to an image of a highly confident Rose hovering above her, raising her eyebrow just like that, and Luisa had to cough to cover the noise that threatened to escape her. Rose looked at her questioningly, but Luisa turned and headed through the crowd, leaving Rose to follow her.

As they arrived, K’s Choice had just begun their set. Luisa eagerly joined the crowd, shouting along with the rest of them. The band began to play a slow haunting song, and Luisa sang along to every word, noticing that Rose’s eyes were locked onto the singer on stage.  

_Where can I run to_

_Where can I hide_

_Who will I turn to_

_Now I’m in a virgin state of mind_  

As the words reverberated through the air, Rose’s breathing noticeably sped up. Luisa realized how applicable the lyrics were to the redhead’s current situation, and took her hand gently. The other girl let out a slow breath and squared her shoulders, squeezing Luisa’s hand to let her know she was okay.

After a few more songs Luisa heard the familiar strains of one of her favorite songs, and she squealed in joy, causing Rose to laugh. “No, Rose, you don’t understand! This song is everything you need right now!” 

As the singer launched into the lyrics, the brunette yelled along as loud as she could. 

_Bravely I look further than I see_

_Knowing things I know cannot be, not now_

_I’m so aware of where I am, but I don’t know where that is_

_And there’s something right in front of me and I_

The driving, pulsing strum of the guitar mixed with the lyrics and Luisa’s wildly passionate and wholehearted rendition seemed to have an exhilarating effect on Rose. She couldn’t keep the grin off her face as Luisa bounced around her.

By the end of the set both girls were spent, their cheeks flushed from laughter, and they stumbled through the crowd and collapsed together on the grass beyond the stage. Rose pulled her flannel from around her shoulders and tied it around her waist before flopping onto her back. Luisa tried to hide the fact that she was outright ogling Rose’s arms, but it wasn’t easy. Her arms were covered in freckles, matching the ones dusted across her cheeks, and Luisa gave in, running one finger softly up the skin of her arm. The breath caught in Rose’s throat as looked up at the brunette, her eyes darkening. 

Luisa leaned over her, brushing the hair away from her face. 

“Is this okay?” she asked, softly.

Rose nodded slowly, the look of longing on her face overtaking the fear. Luisa leaned down and softly brushed her lips against Rose’s tentatively, not wanting to overwhelm the girl beneath her. She pulled back slightly and Rose, looking dazed, whispered, “oh my god.” She reached up to pull Luisa back down but was interrupted by a loud screech that sounded vaguely like Rose’s name. The two girls scrambled apart, and looked up to find Rose’s friends staring at them, their mouths open in shock. 

“What the fuck, Rose?” the girl who had harassed Luisa earlier said harshly. “The angry chick? Really? We ditched you for a few hours and this is what you do?”

If Luisa worried that Rose would wilt under the scrutiny of her friends, she shouldn’t have. Rose’s eyes went cold and she got to her feet, standing tall, seeming to tower somehow over even the tallest of her friends. Luisa knew suddenly that this was the real Rose. She was strong, she was powerful, and she was proud as hell.

“Actually Brittany this has absolutely nothing to do with you, as shocking as you may find that,” Rose said calmly, but with a severity that made the hair on Luisa’s arms stand on end. She got to her feet and stood next to the redhead, silently giving her her full support.

Brittany opened her mouth to respond, but Rose held up a hand. “Not interested,” she said coldly. She took Luisa’s hand and started to walk away, pushing past the other girls lingering behind Brittany.

“You’re our ride,” one of them said arrogantly.

Rose gave her a withering look and kept walking.

As soon as they were out of sight of her friends, Rose stopped, tugged Luisa closer, and kissed her deeply, holding her face gently in her hands. Luisa returned the kiss eagerly, wrapping her arms around Rose’s waist, pulling her tightly against her. They kissed for so long that the women around them started to whistle and cheer, causing them to pull back. Rose didn’t look in the least bit embarrassed, she looked exuberant.

“You look happy,” Luisa said, quietly. 

“Don’t you mean gay?” Rose said, grinning widely.

Luisa dropped her hands, rolled her eyes, and walked away from Rose groaning, “I can’t believe you just said that.”

The redhead laughed and ran to catch up with her.

* * *

 

Rose stared blankly at the stage.

“Luisa?” 

“Yes?” 

“Why are we here?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“This is the honky-tonkiest song I have ever heard in my life.” 

Luisa smacked her leg. “That is Neko Case and you will watch your mouth.”

“How did we go from K’s Choice to this?” 

“Don’t act like you have any idea about any of this music, you’re here for the chicks,” Luisa smirked.

“I got me a chick, now can we go?” Rose said.

“Absolutely not, in case you missed it the first time, that is Neko Case and you will watch your mouth,” Luisa said returning her attention to the stage.

“Is this really your kind of music?” 

Luisa didn’t answer.

“Wait a minute.”

Luisa was now pretending she couldn’t hear Rose.

“It’s not about the music, you think she’s hot!” Rose said, laughing. 

“A) her voice is amazing. B) She has red hair okay?” Luisa exclaimed. “I have a weakness for red hair, in case you didn’t catch that when I shoved my tongue down your throat.”

Rose grinned triumphantly.

“Shut. Up." 

* * *

 

“All right, there’s only one thing left in your Pride Curriculum,” Luisa said as they walked hand in hand through the crowd. 

“And what’s that?” Rose asked. 

“The Indigo Girls,” Luisa grinned. 

Rose laughed loudly. “Isn’t that a little cliché?”

“Absolutely it is, and that’s why we’re doing it,” the brunette responded and they wound their way through the crowd toward the front.

The band took the stage to boisterous cheers, and Rose wrapped her arms around Luisa’s waist, molding herself to her back. As the triumphant tones of “Closer to Fine” rang out, the redhead looked around, taking in the multitudes of women surrounding her, some waving pride flags, some holding each other, all of them singing along, and realized that Luisa had succeeded her mission. She was extraordinarily proud.

**Author's Note:**

> I want to point out that all of this is actually accurate, all of the artists I talked about were at Lilith Fair in 1998. I did RESEARCH, YO. 
> 
> Also I know the Neko sidebar might seem out of place, but when I saw that she was there I had to include her because M is a massive Neko fan, and I think she would have broken up with me if I didn't. 
> 
> Here are the songs I used:
> 
> Morcheeba - "Howling" [https://youtu.be/lSMbA53hX-k]
> 
> K's Choice - "Virgin State of Mind [https://youtu.be/7kNzDk2CPHI]
> 
> K's Choice - "Believe" [https://youtu.be/uesw54HGCa0] SERIOUSLY, THIS SONG IS AMAZING. This was an anthem for me in high school, so I'm super jazzed I got to use it.
> 
> Indigo Girls - "Closer to Fine" [https://youtu.be/HUgwM1Ky228]


End file.
